G.O.P. (Get Out of my Pockets)

Disclaimer: No Republicans were harmed during the development of this blog. Although my bank account and wallet had quiet a few unkind words for them.

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Yesterday when I was standing at the gas pump debating if I should cut my right arm off to pay for this gasoline or just give them my first born, I love them both. I made a call to my friends in the Republican Party. I wanted to offer them some advice before they get to the big party in November this year. I remember what they gave me eight years ago.

So my conversation began from where I was standing, at the gas pump. Eight years ago I remember complaining about paying $1.35 for gasoline. I never would image that the cost of a gallon of milk would be less than the cost of a gallon of gasoline at the same store. Speaking of milk, I should question the ground beef and chicken in my cart too since the regulations on the USDA are so lacks now I’m not sure about the cow or chicken anymore.

Well I guess I can’t be too hard on Republicans, since they did give me a $600 tax stimulus check in hopes that I go out and spend it to help stimulate the economy. Come to think about it, that’s a pretty good economic policy right there. Write a check for an amount that I can’t afford and don’t know how I’m going to repay. Maybe China, the mortgage company and the hospital will overlook the bill I owe them. I got to shop for America. Forget the national debt or an economic policy that works, lets just go to the mall. But wait; before we hit the mall I have to stop by the gas station first. Then I need to go by the grocery store. You know I really should just save this money, since I just got laid off of my job. I didn’t mention that my company is moving its headquarters to Mexico. I found out last week when I tried to get into the building, but it was pad locked. This check would really come in handy. I wouldn’t want to get behind on my mortgage and risk being apart of the home foreclosure crisis.

But wait my Republican friends; maybe we just have a break down in our communication. Hold on, that couldn’t be it, because you tap my phone now. So you know what I say, who I am saying it to and when and where I said it. So it couldn’t be that. Well on second thought maybe it is something I said, because you seem to not receive any of my calls in August of 2005. You remember, I was in New Orleans and this big storm came through and destroyed everything up. I tried to call, but didn’t hear anything from you for four entire days. I even got on television asking for your assistance. My family and I even lived on our roof top for days before you arrived. The funny thing about it is that, I’m still paying for it.

You know, we all have someone in our family that always finds a way to screw something up. Whether it is your Uncle Sam or Cousin George. It’s usually one or two people who are left cleaning up after them, never the entire family.

Well my gas tank is almost full now and need to pay up. Before I end this call I want to know why you invited your old military buddies to the party. Now how many times have we told you to leave your friend John at home? He’s in my pockets more than your cousin George. I’m still recovering from the damage that Dick made on your hunting trip. One more incident like that we’re going to get dropped from our health insurance.

I’m beginning to wonder if G.O.P. should stand for Get Out of my Pockets.

Then the call cut off. I forgot that I used the money that I would have paid my phone bill to put gas in my car!