Dating Isn’t For Mating

 

Dating isn’t for mating, but for data. You date to gather enough data so that you may be informed of a decision regarding mating. Too often we, both men and women, mate with insufficient data. Then we find ourselves angry, frustrated, upset and hurt because we didn’t receive the results we were experiencing.

 

You wanted Mr. Right, but found Mr. Right Now. He said all the things you wanted to hear, but he never spoke to your spirit, the essenence of who you are. He got you to believe that intimacy was physical instead of both of you connecting mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So now you find that you just got…

 

Every man who fits the description of Mr. Right in your mind may not be that man all the time. Isn’t every relationship perfect and ideal in the beginning?

 

Be patient enough to collect the data in a friendly, non-confrontational and considerate manner before mating. Watch your tone and approach, because Mr. Right might be in front of you, but how you respond and react to him pushes him away. Remember, Mr. Right isn’t Mr. Perfect, so stop expecting perfection unless you are perfect yourself.

 

You love Mr. Right through intimacy. Intimacy isn’t received just through sex or physical touch, but with words and action.

 

Men — Pay attention to who they are. Be present when they need you, whether present physically, virtually, telephonically or in however you correspond. Intimacy is what makes love, not sex.

 

Not every man, nor every woman understands how to love or to be loved if their isn’t enough data. Some women and men are afraid to be loved because someone else didn’t know how to love them or they didn’t have enough data on them or their perspective and experiences regarding love. So take your time. Give her time. Give him time. Learn to be a friend before deciding on being a mate. Gather the data. But remember that dating isn’t for mating, but for data. Enjoy yourself and be yourself. That’s how love finds its way.

Lighter Load

When everyone who you thought would be with you have abandon you or made themselves scares and difficult to contact, remember that they’re making your load lighter and easier to bare by reducing the dead weight of their relationship with you. Although it may be disappointing, comes as a shock or leaves you feeling betrayed, keep moving forward. Someone greater has been walking with you this whole time. Move these three to the front of your journey and let them help you navigate your way.

The Five Bricks of Love

 

 

Spend your time building people up rather than tearing them down. Before you know it you would have facilitated a marvelous relationship that is grounded and stands upon a firm foundation.

 

BRICK ONE

You can love someone that you’ve never met by first opening your heart and mind to the possibilities. Some read that and immediately limit love to just Eros type of love. This the love most associated with romance. They’ve already laid their first brick without using the mortar of consideration, because their foundation is grounded in such an opinion of love that it isn’t open to the boundless reach of love. Therefore loving someone they’ve never met seems impossible or weird.

 

BRICK TWO

You can love someone that you’ve never met by first opening your heart and mind to the possibilities. Some read that and their mind thinks about what is called Storage love.

 

Storge love represents a safe haven for couples as it is a place of acceptance, mutual respect and shelter. Many couple dwell in storge love for years and misunderstand it as mundane or boring. But in effect it is a very safe place but can simply lack that spark we seek. PAY ATTENTION. It can also serve as the moat around your marriage protecting it from outside forces and allow the other types of loves to dwell and flourish. Storge love can co-exist with other types of love and can be likened to a foundation made up of trust and safety.

 

BRICK THREE

You can love someone that you’ve never met by first opening your heart and mind to the possibilities. Some read that and their mind thinks about what is called Phileo.

 

This love cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. While eros lends you to romance, phileo makes a close companionship that is all trusting. They share each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams. They confide in each other the most intimate secrets, fears and needs that they would not share with another. If I am to be honest with myself, this is the brick I’ve tried to offer more often than any other. But I guess that’s not necessarily up to me to say.

 

BRICK FOUR

You can love someone that you’ve never met by first opening your heart and mind to the possibilities. Some read that and you may assume I’m speaking about the love that many of us have heard of called Agape.

 

Agape love is different from eros in that it is not sexual, nor romantic in nature. Its nature is that of self sacrifice but is not unconditional. This is one that I’ve been more active in incorporating in my daily life. I admit it is difficult and sometimes find myself murmuring to myself about just running away, but agape is a journey of love in my opinion.

 

You can love your spouse completely and still have boundaries and maintain your self respect. Sometimes your loved ones will not or can not love you in the way you need to be loved. It’s not that you don’t love them or they don’t love you. It’s your agape love is at a different level than theirs. It may be more or it could be less.

 

Agape love is also different from the other kinds of love in that you can choose it. You can elect to love your spouse this way because it is what is best for your family and/or marriage. It is a giving of yourself for the betterment of your sanity, security and stability. Agape love can help you to protect yourself emotionally during difficult times as you love others, but expect nothing in return.

 

I adjure you to consider applying this measure of love. It isn’t an easy love, but it is an enduring one.

 

BRICK FIVE

You can love someone that you’ve never met by first opening your heart and mind to the possibilities. Some read that and you may assume I’m speaking about Epithumia. Many times it is associated with lust or sometimes to covet. While epithumia love can draw couples closer together it can also be divisive as it can lead to an uncontrollable desire to have or to own.

 

So spend your time building people up rather than tearing them down. Understand the power of love and how to love. You can love someone that you’ve never met and/or that you’ve known for years. Open your heart and mind to the possibilities that resides within love and build a firm foundation.

 

Here are five bricks for you to begin building with. Check your foundation and build a castle of love.

An Elephant, A Wise Man and Six Blind Men

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An Elephant, A Wise Man and Six Blind Men

Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.” They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway”, so all of them went where the elephant was.

Finally they’ve arrived. Each of them went to touch the elephant.

The first blind man touched the elephant’s leg and said, “Hey, the elephant is a pillar.”

The second blind man touched the elephant’s tail and said, “Oh, no! It is like a rope.”

The third blind man touched the elephant’s trunk and said, “Oh, no! It is like a thick branch of a tree.”

The fourth blind man touched the elephant’s ear and said, “No, it’s like a big hand fan.”

The fifth blind man touched the elephant’s belly and said, “It is like a huge wall.”

Then the sixth blind man touched the elephant’s tusk and said, “It is like a solid pipe.”

Hearing how the other men described the elephant, they disagreed and began to argue about the elephant. In true fashion, each of them insisted that he was right.

As the debate continued, it began to look like they were getting agitated. Their fellow villagers began to position themselves for what appeared to be a fight. Wagers were privately made amongst the onlookers for who they believe would win and right.

The situation looked grim until a wise man passing by saw the commotion and stopped to ask the six men, “What is the matter?”

One of the blind men exclaimed, “We cannot agree to what the elephant is like.” Not to be overlooked, each blind man told the wise man what he thought the elephant was like.

Calmly, the wise man responded by saying each of them were right, then explained why.

The reason why you all are correct is that each of you are sharing what you feel, but from a different perspective. Each one of you touched the different part of the same elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features what you all said, but that isn’t the whole elephant.

We could continue observing this exchange, but the moral of the story is that there may be some truth to what someone says. Demonstrate consideration.

Sometimes we can see that truth and sometimes not because they may have a different perspective, experiences, comprehension, level of interaction or bias which we may not agree too or understand. So, rather than arguing like the blind men, we should say, “Maybe you have your reasons.” This way we don’t get in unnecessary, unproductive and endless arguments.

The theory of manifold predictions teaches tolerance towards others for their viewpoints. It is a path towards peace that leads you into a place of harmony with the people of different thinking.

This is also found within various religious practices as well, but the very mentioning of religion has the ability to turns some into blind men.

It can be found in our politics, but the mentioning of politics has the ability to blind men as well.

We can utilize it in conversations regarding race, but the slightest mentioning of race in any situation has blinded many men.

For some, the mentioning of sex blinds them.  One can only assume that the glare that shines from how one finds love proves to be too bright.

You may find that the mentioning of money, finances, investments, taxes, tithing or economics turns some into blind men.

An optometrist couldn’t help those who suffer from blindness at the utterance of abortion.

Finally, there are those that the suggestion of forgiveness, consideration or tolerance blinds them.

Perhaps they can not see how not practicing sincere consideration can eventually hurt them more than it hurts or opposes others.

Whatever it may be for you, what isn’t expressed is why the one with sight was considered to be wise? Could it be the way he approached the situation?

When you look at our society today and observe what is being said, considered and practiced, you wonder why and how so many people believe what they see on television, hear on the radio or read in various publications as if that is the only choice or correct perspective. They typically will not consider another point of view unless it comes from someone who considers them in some way.

Consider your approach.

The wise man could have laughed at the blind men and called them foolish.  He could have said to his friends that these people are crazy. He could have just shook his head and kept walking and accepted the attitude that whispers to your conscious, “It’s not my problem.”

Perhaps the wise man could have even observed the blind men and corrected each of them where they were wrong, raised question of the validity of each of their claims, then dismissed them for being a bunch of blind kooks.  Instead he decided to solve the problem instead of enhance it.

Consider what you can do when you encounter the blind that gathers around the elephant. How can you help? Perhaps you may realize that they’re not the only blind ones, but you’ll never know what you all can see together when you close your eyes to consideration.

Life’s most persistent question asks; what are you doing for others?

The I-Word


Question:

Is it more difficult for men to forgive women for cheating than it is for women to forgive men for cheating?

 

 

Additional Questions:

  • If you or your loved one mistake, should that be the end of the relationship?
  • Is there consideration for all the things he or she have got or done right?
  • Is there consideration for what lead them to the mistake?
  • If you were held to the same standards that you require others to be accountable to, what would you do?
  • How do you manage the remorse, betrayal of trust, anger, frustration, sorrow, contradictions, regret and guilt?
  • If you have no guilt, no regret or feelings of remorse, then what has the relationship become?
  • Is a relationship worth saving if or when your heart has harden in some way towards it?
  • How do you forgive and accept with sincerity?

 

Consideration:

I want to ensure that it is understood that I am asking these questions to those who are in same-sex relationships as well. The affects of the this issue are the same whether you are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. So I am personally inviting you to join this conversation as well. My objective is not to exclude, but to include.

 

 

Quick Note:

I’m positive that this one will be very difficult for many people to respond to without having some sort of emotional connection. My purpose is absolutely not to upset anyone. It is not to suggest my idea is better than your idea. It is only to explore further a question that I heard asked on the radio that I found to be an interesting question. The additional questions are the ones that I came up with after thinking about what was being asked.

 

I STRONGLY urge everyone to be careful. Please do not expose anything about yourself that you may not want to be revealed. Respond as objectively as you can. Do not attack others or judge those who are open enough to share such a time with others for the purpose of teaching and warning. I’m sure many of us have been in the wrong and done some things wrong. No one is totally innocent or absolutely guilty.

 

Finally, I’m not talking about myself. I only say it, because I know someone who may not comment, but email me or may see me is bound to ask or assume.

An Encouraging Word

An Encouraging Word | By: Tim Valentine

What would you say or think about someone who encouraged their enemies, critics and opposition with a kind word?

Now while you’re thinking about that question, I would like for you to consider the response you were just thinking, since that is the one that is most sincere. Think about what it says about you.

Imagine all that has been accomplished and destroyed by just an encouraging word.That person who you see as an enemy, harsh critic or always offers you their fiercest opposition and rarely has anything good to say to you, imagine their response if you sincerely offered them an encouraging word.

If you’re going to offer someone an encouraging word, make it kind, considerate and most importantly sincere. There is nothing more damaging than an insincere, inconsiderate, careless word or expression. You may never realize what you might be building or helping to destroy by your words of encouragement.

Words of encouragement may help destroy a stronghold that has a grip on someone’s life. An encouraging word may help destroy depression, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity or sorrow that has been a burden to someone.

Someone may cross your mind during the day and you don’t know why, take that opportunity to send them an encouraging word. I’m telling you, you may never realize what an encouraging word may become to someone. If even for a brief moment offer someone a moment of happiness, joy and peace. It might be all they get for the day, week or month.

An encouraging word is like a brick in the wall of a person’s character. Seal it with sincerity, fortify it with consideration and test its strength with love.

What would you say or think about someone who encouraged their enemies, critics and opposition with a kind word is not a trick question, but a nudge and point of awareness that should speak to the morality of the conscious and ask what are you doing? Let it be an encouraging word.

Finally, if I can just say this about myself. People have routinely doubted me, not supported my dreams, ambitions and aspirations for far too long. I didn’t like the feeling of bitterness and cynicism that I felt developing towards them. I disliked the constant battle with inadequacy and self-esteem.

How do you overcome these impeding mountains of hopelessness and despair?

Listen to that whisper in your ear that tells you that you’re not what they say you are. You can do this. Don’t listen to them.

When you have no one encouraging you, encourage yourself. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Don’t give up.

Pay Attention or Someone Else Will

Pay Attention or Someone Else Will | By: Tim Valentine

 

I really do not know how else to say this, but this is just something on my mind that is absolutely not referring or directed towards anyone. It truly is something that’s just on my mind.

So if you’re in a (romantic) relationship, whether dating or marriage there are a few questions you should not have to ask or wonder about.

  • Do you love me?
  • Do you support me?
  • Do you find me attractive?
  • Are you paying attention?
  • Where is this relationship going?

If you’ve asked yourself or your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend these sorts of question, then this note may be of interest to you. If not, then congratulations. I invite you to read other notes that may be more of an interest to you :)

Now if you answer these questions one way, but unsure if your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse may respond in a similar way, then something isn’t right. Either you’re withdrawing more than what you’re investing into the relationship or need to figure out the problem.

This is an issue that goes both ways, because women are just as guilty as men in not paying any attention or making other things more of a priority in a relationship than the other person’s needs and concerns. If the person you’re with constantly get upset over something you continue to do, but you do not understand why, then you’re the problem.

Pay attention to the signs before you find yourself signing your name on the dotted line of a legal document that you might not want. Keep in mind that there are other people in the world who recognizes the worth and significances of the one you’ve forgotten, neglected and abandoned in various ways.

Stop applying the methods for how you solve issues at your job in your relationship. You’re not getting paid for this and they’re not either, so stop acting and thinking that you’re the boss and their your employee. It’s about We not Me. (Sorry for that grammar, but you get what I’m saying.)

Life is too short to live it in misery, isolation and repression. Understand that you’re not the only one who knows how to love.

Love is essentially unstoppable. You may be able to slow it down or deny it, but love has a couple of friends named affection, memory, desire, will and passion. Love also has some crazy cousins named frustration, tired and an Aunt named Fed up who communicates with Love often. She has Love’s cell, email, twitter address and subscribed to them on facebook :)

Seriously, if you have found yourself asking these question far too many times and tried to work together and they either won’t listen, inconsistent or choose other things above you, then get your house in order, because things might need to change in the near future.

Sometimes men and women in relationships grow to love/value other things more than you. Those other things might be their job/career, the pursuit of money, recreation/sports, their youth or other things. Sometimes both men and women need a reminder, but there does come a time when you find yourself giving them a warning to Pay Attention or Someone Else Will. If not, you might be the one singing a sad love song.

The Imagination of People in Desperate Times

What would it be like to live in a place where we were not bound by what we thought was impossible?

A place where we did not have to guard our thoughts, a place where we were guided by our ideas and directed by our suggestions? A place where the imagination isn’t bound by our fear of rejection or conflict?

We are so bound by the limitations of our own mind. Our biggest obstacle of our life’s work is that we fail to involve our imagination. Our thoughts, ideas and suggestions often become what we have heard, seen or been told. We are so willing to limit ourselves to a position or ideology that we loose sight of the humanity of our opposition. We only see an enemy instead of a potential friend or ally. We often find area for disagreement, that we allow little room for consideration and no space for common ground.

Many of us put ourselves in a box, but we believe we think outside the box. How is that possible, when you can’t see how one man can have the audacity of hope? (No pun intended) The testicular fortitude to believe he can change the world, not by the might of his army, but the will of his people.

To go on a slightly political and patriotic tangent for a brief moment, I have this to say to anyone willing to receive it. It’s going to get better. We defeat ourselves when we give up hope. It’s not just you; it’s not just where you live, its many people.

Some choose to blame someone, but it’s not the fault of any one person, company or political party, but the greed and lack of vision of some people, companies and political entities. I’ve found it more productive to end my distain for certain individuals and leave them to their own vices. I can only move forward and stop allowing them to hold me back with their thoughts of terror, inconsiderate ideas and suspect suggestions. We got to save the arguments for another day and time, because we all have to fix what’s messed up.

If you have to fight why not fight against the feeling of hopelessness and those who are beaten down with cynicism and pessimism due to the current situations in their lives. I can’t make you draw upon your own imagination, but I just ask you not to give up.

Perhaps I’m just a student of hope and optimism, but I believe “the hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined non-conformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.” – Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love (1963)

How powerful are the words you think, say and believe? Do you believe what you say or do you just say what you believe? I know everything seems bleak in every way, but keep moving, don’t give up. Don’t be bound by the limitations of our own mind and lack of imagination. Don’t get caught up in the places of complacency and hopelessness. Keep moving.

References & Inspirations
Jewish Journal – 01/20/08 – “Keep Moving from This Mountain (1965)MP3 pt.1 & MP3 pt.2
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. – 1963 “Strength to Love

Why Do You Stay?

Why Do You Stay?

By: Timothy Valentine

 

Would you build a house without planning what foundation its on first?

We give more thought towards inanimate objects than we do the animated ones when it comes to our commitment on it.

When you’re looking to buy a house from the ground up, you take the time to consider the credentials of the builder, contractors and financing company. You research what it takes for you to purchase the house and if you’re smart or aware, what it takes to maintain the house.

  • How much will the insurance run, what will it take to heat and cool the home?
  • How much will it cost to keep the lights on?
  • If you have children, what the schools are like?
  • How safe are they?

You do your research?

Why can’t we do that when it comes to our relationships?

We treat our relationships like we’re placing a bet on the roulette table or playing craps; come 7, come 11. :)

We rather jump into it and hope for the best. Then wonder why he or she is doing what they’re doing or acting. Communications must be a pillar in any relationship. Without it, you’re bound to find a crack in the foundation eventually.

Consider how much time you need to put in before you and me because we or you say, “I Do” or even “Let’s Move In”?

How effective was the communication?

It’s just a question, nothing to be ashamed of, because we all have found ourselves in relationships that started out perfect like every other relationship, but later on find ourselves asking the question, “What did I miss?” No one is perfect. Those who suggest to you that they are is lying.

Things happen. People do change. Some people do things that the other is unwilling to forgive them for or open to reconciliation with.

Some people suffer with medical issues that alters their personality and behavior to an unacceptable and sometimes dangerous level where the other person truly needs to leave. I’m not talking about those situations.

There are times where a person must consider their own safety or stability over the relationship. There are times that we are so hurt that we can’t see how we can forgive and make the difficult and often heart-breaking decision to leave the relationship. These occasions are unfortunate, but when they occur it requires someone to make a decision for what’s in the best interest of the relationship. That sometimes means ending it.

Although you should forgive, but forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean you are required to stay with the person. Reconciliation doesn’t mean you should stay with a person, but you seek to have peace with the situation and with the person if they’re willing. Either way, you are working for peace for yourself.

What I’m speaking about is the times that we jump into relationships that we know are not healthy for us. We do all we can to rationalize it with ourselves and others so that we appear OK, even when we know that you’re not. You know when someone is not right for you, but we stay because we don’t want to be alone, they tell you that they love you in every way, but the way you need to be loved. Why do you stay?

This is question that’s often asked, but it is only able to be answered by the one who is in the situation. They have to overcome the fear, the rejection, the backlash, the consequences of temporary loneliness, the hurt if they plan on answering the question.

If you know ‘have a friend’ in this situation or the friend is you and the question “Why do you stay” has been asked this is what I believe must been done in order to help someone answer this question. I believe you must understand why they stay. Then you know how to effectively help them understand why it may be unhealthy, disfunctional, redeemable or reconcilable. What bias is there against professional counseling? Or if its even needed.

The question that we should ask ourselves is one that we should ask at the beginning, “Why should I go?”

Why should I go into a covenant with someone who disagrees with certain key issues that are important to me?

Why should I go into a relationship with a person who doesn’t believe what I believe, whatever that may be? (Politics, Race, Money, Spirituality or Children)

Why should I go and subject myself to a life of uncertainty? Uncertain if I say the wrong thing it will result in an argument. Uncertain if I ask for help I will be perceived as weak. Uncertain their insecurities will continuously take the best of them and lend them to be overprotective or make me feel isolated.

If we take more time in the beginning of a relationship to see beyond loves infallibilities, perhaps it may lead us to fewer insecurities and greater amenities in our relationships. Then the question never has to be asked, “Why do you stay?”

Seeking Happily Ever After

There are SOME men who needlessly get intimidated by a woman’s success, ambition, motivation, abilities or appearance rather than recognizing those attributes as qualities you would want in a woman. My suggestion is to allow it to be a challenge to you to step your game up.

There are SOME women who become so dependent on the other that they essentially define themselves and give up their identity to the person they’re in a relationship with. Too often it is to the extent that they feel a sense of powerlessness or low self-worth.

In consideration of everyone, I would expect these two scenarios are true in same-sex relationships too.

Either way we shouldn’t place ourselves in these positions. We can be supportive without being dependent. You can be a couple without losing your identity. A woman can make more than a man without it somehow infringing on his manhood/ego. A man can take care of his child/children without your assistance and do an exceptional job.

Understand how valuable you are not only to them, but to yourself. If it wasn’t for you they wouldn’t be who they are. If they are so into who they are they can’t see or respect you for who you are, then why are you with them?

I know that things happen in life that may affect our relationships with others. We want to be loved, adored and have their attention. Sometimes we may be disappointed when it doesn’t happen or we do not receive it at all, but keep in mind that as your relationship continues so is life; things happen in life that often affect our relationships.

We all get upset, restless or frustrated when a pattern of neglect develops, but as difficult it may be make the effort to keep that line of communication open between you and your loved one. Try not to allow resentment to be the general sentiment of your relationship.

*Sounded like a preacher right there :)

We can’t allow time and comfort to be an obstacle to happiness. Work to free yourself of what confines you, so you can have the joy you seek. Stop worrying about what someone else is doing and pay attention to what you’re doing.

You’ve got to make sure that you’re treating the other person as your equal and not just your helper, supporter, safety net, financier or someone you… and takes care of the things you don’t or won’t do.

Give Back

In 2010, Stephen launched the Give Back Foundation, a 501(c)3 public charity created to help people give back.

The Give Back Foundation was established to allow any person to join GiveBack and set up their personal foundation account. The funds that accumulate in that account are part of the Give Back Foundation. Each member has the ability to direct the funds from their account to any charity in good standing with the United States Internal Revenue Service.

Together, all of the members’ accounts are gathered under one Give Back Foundation account awaiting the direction of each member. The members can give their money away whenever they choose, either as a single donation or as part of a group of people coming together to support a cause. 100% of the money that is directed to a charity is sent to the charity. The Give Back Foundation doesn’t charge you or the charity anything for the transaction.

Any money that a member adds directly into their GiveBack account is immediately tax deductible to the full extent allowed. Any additional money that may be added, either by our corporate sponsors or other individuals, is not deductible by the member. At year end the Give Back Foundation will issue every member a consolidated giving statement that may be used as an IRS tax receipt.

GiveBack allows you to put all your charitable giving in one place. And you can give any amount to any charity at any time. You can even earn money as you shop thanks to our retail partners.

So whether you’re looking to set up a Foundation that will last a lifetime, helping your chosen charity in the short term, or just accumulating money from your day-to-day shopping, your foundation offers the flexibility to GiveBack as and when you wish.

No matter the charity or the cause – as long as they’re registered with the IRS – your foundation can give to any charity you want. From education, healthcare, animal, environment, disaster relief or social issues – and everything in between – you’ll find all kinds of worthy organizations that need your help.

GiveBack allows you to give money to the causes you care about – and we make it easy to donate. Give any amount to any charity at any time.

And you can start your free personal foundation today in THREE easy steps:

1. Create your foundation
a. Sign-up and get searching for charities or causes you’d like to support.

2. Fill your foundation
a. Add money to your foundation in three simple ways:
i. Make a donation directly from your credit card.
ii. Shop with our 400+ online mall partners and earn up to 15% of each purchase.
iii. Engage with our sponsors and earn more for your foundation.

3. Increase your Impact.
a. There’s power in numbers. Spread the word by promoting charities and sharing stories.
i. If you want, you can highlight your favorite charities on Facebook.
ii. Small donations add up: now you and your friends can donate together.

Soon you’ll be able to create campaigns on behalf of your favorite charity, so you can manage local fundraisers through GiveBack.

There are a few issues that are near and dear to me, but I can only suggest the one that I feel is connected with them all is my campaign for consideration of others. Beyond all that I have written and advocated over the years what is usually at the root of it is the thought, idea and suggestion of consideration for others. Regardless of our differences, if we have consideration for one another we can accomplish so many things.

I will be creating my foundation around this idea and will work on developing a website and all. I’m not financially wealthy at all, but I do have enough consideration to give to you. Expect to hear more from me regarding this and I sincerely appreciate GiveBack for this concept.

Take a moment to visit www.GiveBack.org and see what you can do.

Bank Of America and You

I use to work for a bank, not Bank of America, that had the same standards. Although I wasn’t fired, I decided to quit after two years, two awards and several loyal business & personal customers and helping to make the bank security procedures less subjected to theft with a simple suggestion. I understand how she feels and wish there were more people like her running companies instead being fired for companies that has such customer service practices.

 

Spring Cleaning: Going Through Your Closet

 

For those who may have an annual spring cleaning, may I suggest that you always consider cleaning up another area of your life. I’m speaking about the people that we call friends.

 

While going through my closet trying on that shirt, pants and jacket that doesn’t fit like it use to anymore, I tried not to get discouraged. I know I have some work to do, but I also know that some of these items need to go anyway. This lead me to think about my relationships with others; the friendships, acquaintances, current and former co-workers, friends from school, church or some other organization. It’s time to go into that friend closet and sort out who and what doesn’t seem to fit me in the same way it use to. What to keep, donate or toss.

 

While some of us may want to begin our Spring Cleaning by getting rid of some family members, we can’t do that. Besides they’ll just keep on coming back. If you’ve done all you can for those family members and they still want to act funny towards you, just put a smile on your face and laugh to yourself.

 

During the year and over the course of time we pick up various relationships with people. Some may find you through a friend of a friend, others like something you’ve said in the past and others just happen. Over time few of those friendships become strained, annoying or stressful and cause such anguish whenever they’re around.

 

A friend becomes upset or disagrees once with you and can’t move on, so they begin disagreeing with you on things you once agreed upon. They become that person who has nothing good to say.

 

Many times we hold on to things and people longer than we need to. You may like those polyester pants, but they make you look bad. It’s OK… Get rid of it or them. It’s nothing personal, seasons come and go, styles change, we grow. There’s no reason to hold on to something that does nothing for you.

 

You can’t get rid of your family, even when you may want to, but you can be aware of them. There’s too much paper work and considerations involved getting rid of your spouse, but if they are abusing or mistreating you, work to get away from them and help. Although some do, or may want to at times, you shouldn’t consider leaving your children because they get on your nerves.

 

Who you can and should donate or toss is that person who has developed a pattern of annoyance with you on multiple occasions. If someone develops a pattern of saying, doing or practicing things that you are opposed to in your presence without consideration for you, then it is time to consider other options. When you are only wrong with them and they are always right, then accept the fact that you’ve outgrown the relationship and its time to get something more suited to you.

 

People are like buses; if you miss one just be patient, because another one is nearby. Just make sure that its going in the same direction you’re going.

 

So donate or toss out some of those people who has nothing better to do than complain about everything or has nothing positive, informative, supportive or motivational. Donate the relationship to someone who accepts that. Toss out what  doesn’t seem to fit anymore, whether its that former co-worker who is not like they use to be, the neighbor who only talks to you to see what you got or the so-called friend who has forgotten its meaning.That boyfriend who expects you to take care of everything while he pursues his desires. That girlfriend who only pays attention when you get ready to walk out of that door for the last time. Those people who are upset because you’ve matured quicker than they have. Toss ‘em out and give them up.

 

It’s time to make room for the newness of life and what good it has to offer. You make room so you have space to give it your all. And within the process you may discover an acquaintance who turns out to be timeless, durable and comfortable. The person who becomes what a friend is suppose to be. This is who you place in the keep file, the rest you either donate or toss.

 

It’s time to clean-up. Relationships are recyclable. Take the time to sort through the paper friends, the plastic ones from the timeless ones. Then keep the ones who serve a positive purpose in your life.

Love Someone Today

We often get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget to enjoy the journey. When you notice those around you projecting some measure of negativity, counter it with positivity. I know it’s not always easy, but become the leader by taking the lead with persistent positivity.

 

There isn’t a need for you to be upset, moody or depressed because someone else chooses to. Just like a bad attitude can be contagious, so is a good one. So spread it to everyone you come in contact with today. If you want to be the leader, then lead by example.

 

You may encounter a little apprehension from some, because we live in a world that is plagued by pessimism, anticipates mistrust, inflicted with hopelessness and lives in perpetual melancholism. As strong of a desire you may have to simply walk the other way, offer them the opportunity to love by loving them despite their personality. Some will still reject it, but they can not say that it was never offered to them.

 

Reject the pessimistic thought some bring into life that says, “Nothing in life is free”, because you can counter that notion with a demonstration of love. Love is free, so be generous when you give it.

 

Love is a product of the heart that involves the mind. We must be able to go beyond the carnal interpretations of love that tries to confine it to the physical. Physical affection is not love, but an expression of love or the desire for love.

 

Love and hate has similar affects on people, but goes even further when it is practices with sincerity. I only ask you to make a positive lasting impression rather than a selfish or negative one. Love is something that we can do today. So love someone today, then add to that by loving another tomorrow and so on.

 

Love beyond your immediate circle of family and friends, but share it with others. Take the time to consider them and their life. Check on them to see how they are doing. Do it not to say that you’re just checking in on them, but be sincere. Sincerity and consideration doesn’t require an announcement. Either way, whether you love or hate, it always finds its way back to you.

A Love Letter to Share

 

I just want to share this letter about love with you as we celebrate Valentine’s Day.

 

The contractual approach to love says that I will love you if, but a covenantal approach to love says that I will love you even if.

 

How many of us are honest enough in our relationships to love the other person even if?

 

Please don’t answer that publicly, but privately to yourself.

 

This is something we should contemplate everyday, but especially this day that society has commercialized as a day of and for love. Tomorrow many will go about living the lie they have conformed and/or confines themselves to. Whether it is in a relationship that may not live up to what it was meant to be, but that doesn’t mean love can not come.

 

Some will try to argue the point of love with you, but consider the motivation of their decent and see if you can find the love.

 

Love someone today, not because it’s Valentine’s Day, because it is the only day you have. So many people today will go about with a smile on their face, but a heart that is broken in mourning a love that’s lost or no more. Discouraged or alone due to the lack of attention, misunderstanding, lack of concern, separation, divorce or death. So I’ll say it again, love someone today. Love them for no reason at all or that it is today. Tell them how much you sincerely appreciate them for who they are and will be. We must stop confining ourselves and others to the mistakes, stubbornness and pride we held in the past.

 

If I can offer anything to you today it would be love, forgiveness and acceptance. Leave the excuses for why you believe you can not and/or will not forgive behind and heal yourself, that relationship, that remnant of love instead of hate, fear, sorrow or regret.

 

Love, acceptance and forgiveness may not be easy for some, but when you consider others it is possible and available. Be sincere enough to seek it.

 

Finally, be willing to forgive, love and accept yourself with a covenantal approach. I recognize that I haven’t always thought, said or did what was right in respect of these things, but I’m honest enough to ask for forgiveness, humble enough to be appreciative of your acceptance and open towards love. You must be able to forgive and love yourself first to show the same consideration towards others.

 

Whether your love becomes contractual, sincerely work to make it covenantal. Always be considerate enough to love even if. Never be too afraid to demonstrate your love.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day