Thoughts, Ideas & Suggestions 2009

Dear TI&S Readers,

This has been a very eventful year. I’ve become friends with some very wonderful people and have also made a few ‘interesting’ ones upset. I’ve contemplated many things this year, but very happy to have made it to see it end.

My goal this year was to make people think about what they were really doing, speaking and believing. Getting someone to consider someone or something beyond themselves has often lead to criticism. What the critics fail to realize is that with their criticism they were essentially doing what I wanted, by thinking about what I had written.

I believe the most shocking criticism came from a gentleman who routinely disagreed with some of the most outrageous acts. Beyond political ideology, he was committed to considering only his perspective and experiences instead of considering others. This became true with his position on things such as torture, race relations and women’s health issues. I believe the last straw for me was the lack of consideration and respect of death. Even when I despise the acts a person was committed to in life I gave them the respect of my silence upon their death. The unforgiveness and unrepentence of some is amazing, as if they hold the secret to life and death.

One of the other issues that I found disturbing this year was the lack of knowledge and acknowledgement of those who were uncomfortable discussing the various issues of race relations in the United States and abroad. Many where content with the fallacy that since one Black man became President we’re now living in a post-racial world and racism is a thing of the past. But many who believe this have not truly experience or witness the deep rooted and psychological affects of racism, bigotry, discrimination and bias on a constant basis. When confronted they would retreat for the comforts of their fallacies for support, never really considering others.

I’m even more committed to seeking out what’s really true and helping others in addition to myself learn more about others from a perspective beyond our own experiences and expectations. The encouraging words of support and thanks received throughout the year has out weighed the ridiculous and unsupported charges some have waged against me on the basis of what they do not fully comprehend or consider.

So I conclude that I have learned a lot, tried to share more, considered others and gained much during this year. I end the year with the birth of my second son, a few pounds heavier than I began, with a greater perspective of life and the things that makes it interesting and with an even better sense of the future. I hope someone learned something new or gained a better perspective, even if they refuse to admit it. My goal was to provoke you to think in-depth with me on the various issues of our daily life.

I wish all who choose to read this well and appreciate you reading my thoughts, ideas and suggestions. I look forward to challenging you and myself next year with what life has in store. Enjoy, be safe and remember to consider others. Let’s get ready for 2010.

Sincerely yours,

Tim Valentine
http://timvalentine.wordpress.com

Keep Trying

Throughout the tenure of this blog I’ve encountered some very interesting comments. The vast majority are from people who basically agreed or added more insight to the discussion of a blog post. But I knew that not everyone would agree with me or would be willing to receive what I’m suggesting.

Some people who comment simply are seeking something to disagree with or a venue to express and to share their confusion, hatred, ignorance, lack of concern, disrespect, consideration or despair of a subject or an individual. Disagreement should not equate to disrespect.

The number of comments received since late 2007 that do not get approved due to language used when speaking about certain topics is why I have kept trying to help people consider each other before they speak. In the beginning I wasn’t all that good at doing this, but have tried to improve. After being called racially derogatory names, referenced as being something I know I’m not by people who are just visiting for the first time in addition to the damnations for even bring up or questioning with eventually discourage you. I can only hope that eventually you’ll accept what is being offered or realize what is being said.

Lately, I’ve gradually been moving away from so many topics surrounding American politics. Some people simply refuse to consider others or do not believe they are wrong. (NOTE: I didn’t mention any political parties, because these people can be found in all of them.)

The deceptive and exclusionary practices adopted by some in the political system and the refusal to honestly address the issue at-hand are what will continue to drive people away. To remix a famous political slogan, “Change We Can Believe In” is getting people to believe in changing. People who are too stubborn to accept their faults or responsibility will never change. Our minds are bound to an ideology that encourages one to act as if the other person is always wrong or can never have a good idea. I can extend my hand in a gesture of seeing unity or common ground, but if you respond to the gesture with a fist of anger or contempt where will that lead us?

Personally, I’ve grown weary of even trying to speak respectfully and with consideration to individuals who do not exhibit any desire to change. But accepting the “eye for an eye” mentality leaves us both blind.

A response of hate, indignation and contempt on many of the topics discussed on this blog is not a valid response or justification for your position. Considering the inconsiderate or trying to reconcile the truth or equality with those who do not want to have the truth reconciled is difficult. So what’s the use of me even trying?

I work very hard to not respond to the negative comments with negativity, but with consideration. Why should I stop writing about the taboo issues that plague our societies? I’m not an authority on these issues, but someone has to be willing to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

If we are not a nation of cowards then we must open our minds, be considerate and be truthful enough to speak sincerely and honestly about race, religion, politics, sex, relationships, money and history with each other with a mindset of seeking a common ground. Forgiveness, reconciliation, love, and truth are easy things to do when you let go of the hate in your heart.

“As you press on for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using only the weapon of love. Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.

Always avoid violence. If you succumb to the temptation of using violence in your struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and your chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos.”  – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I will keep trying and periodically I will write something about American Politics, but will try to continue to focus on reconciliation, forgiveness, equality and working towards our common ground. Helping people better understand each other regarding uncomfortable or unresolved topics helps me understand people better.

Listen

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I believe one of the best things in life and most under appreciated expressions of love is unconditional listening. I’ve learned that it’s just better and easier and more affective to love than it is to hate.

We’re often in such a hurry to get where we’re going at the moment or in life to slow down and listen. The answer we seek is often clear, but we don’t allow ourselves to see it. We’re in a rush to be right, in a rush to be first and rushed to be acknowledged that we express our impatience more than patience.

Listening is easy to do when you’re patient. Listening takes an open-mind and an open-heart to receive what is being offered. To love is to listen. Intimacy involves listening. Listening is an expression of respect. Listening involves sincerity, sincerity requires honestly and truth.

We are often perverted by our lack of patience and desire to listen. This leads us to believe lies and ultra-conservative opinions based on fear and/or misconceptions. (The ultra-conservative statement is not referring to politics.)

Take the time to listen. Listen to what others are saying to you. Listen to what is not being said. Listen to yourself and what you’re saying to others through words, silence and actions. Then validate that against love, consideration and reconciliation. Perhaps it’s not them, but you.

I appreciation those of you who frequently comment on my thoughts, ideas and suggestions. My gratitude is offered to both positive and negative comments.

Although I receive more positive than negative comments, I view the negative as a valuable opportunity. You’ve taken the first step by listening (reading in this case) to what I have to say. Even if you fail to read it all or read it with the intent to express grievances without consideration to the message, you were still exposed to a different point-of-view and I to yours.

Listening doesn’t mean you will always agree, or will accept what is being said. You don’t have to agree with me for us to be friends.

Some of the people who I call my friends may disagree with me or I with them on an issue or decision or position they’ve accepted. Why should I allow that to discriminate our possibilities of seeking common ground? You see that’s the point I’ve tried to express day after day, week after week and moth after month on this blog, but only few have truly listen. We learn when we listen.

I can not make you listen, love, respect, reconcile or accept anything or anyone when you close your mind to opportunity and possibilities. All I can hope for is that you may listen to what I have to say.

Thank you for listening to my thoughts, ideas and suggestions.

What Difference Does It Make

A few days ago I received an interesting comment from someone regarding the blog itself, not an individual post. Out of all of the comments I’ve received on this blog this one actually irritated me. I was going to dismiss it, but after thinking about what was said it almost demanded a response. So I say this with discretion; because I’m sure there will be at least one person that will misinterpret what I’m saying while applying their own assumptions distorting the meaning of the message.

If the person who asked what difference does it make, here’s my response.

We are tempted to impose our ethical, moral, social, religious and non-religious standards upon other people. We live in an ethically, morally, culturally and spiritually pluralistic society. We are all inescapably bound to a network of mutuality. We will never get out of what we find ourselves in until we work together. We can not walk alone on this Jericho road of life.

I refuse to be governed by someone who believes or speaks against my choice to embrace hope instead of fears, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. Why should I continue to engage in petty grievances, false allegations, scrupulous accusations and failed doctrines? When we look beyond ourselves and our own private ambitions to enact our own public policy perhaps we will see the results we desire. Now I’m not speaking of a political policy, but a purpose, cause, objective that spans beyond our own benefit.

An unnamed person recently gave me what my mother would call a backhanded compliment. The person told me that I have a big imagination, ambitious dreams and a desire to change the world. Which is true, but it was the second party of their compliment that made it backhanded. Besides the comment of being “surprisingly articulate for a Black man”, which I could really say something about that statement, but what differences does it make. They said that I can’t change the world and I’m foolish for thinking that I can change a person with inspiring words. People are going to do what they want to do and I can’t stop them.

Well it is true that people will do what they want to do and I can not stop them, but I think you’re mistaken when you say that one can not change the world. One can and several have. What differences will it make if I list a few of these individuals? I can have a dream to walk on the moon and free a people to protest for equal rights, but that’s just the audacity of my hope. Finally what difference does it make if a person regardless of their color makes daily attempts to articulate his thoughts, ideas and suggestions to those willing to consider them?

What many of us fail to consider is that the world around them keeps moving even if they choose to stand still. The evidence smacks each of us in the face everyday. Those who fail to move forward will soon find themselves being left behind. We must end our perpetual arguments and find a solution or common ground before we are the ones being left behind.

If we are to have any level of progress or a measure of success we must learn to openly, honestly and with sincerity be willing to engage each other with dignity and respect. We can do this not out of charity, but because it’s for our common good.

The false idea that I should not have a relationship whether it is professional, social or romantic with someone because of the misplaced value of our individual characteristics your time is over. What differences does it make?

Perhaps I’m naïve to believe that I can find mutual interest and have mutual respect with individuals not like myself. But just like the zebras and the lions, neither wants to see the forest burn. We all have something in common.

So for those who blame society’s ills on people other than themselves I ask you to consider yourselves. People will judge you on what you do, not on what you say. What are you doing to heal those ills?

It is only when you decide to extend your hand instead of clinching your fist that any work will get done. Open your mind, consider others and silence yourself long enough to hear the meaning of the message.

I understand and appreciate your critique of this blog. I agree with parts of it, because I do get tired of the misunderstandings and indifference. I often ask myself, what differences does it make? Only a handful of people seem to care, they just see it as entertainment and not education of a person’s point-of-view. Why don’t I just end this or begin to talk about frivolous things that only amount to fluff.

Well due to a couple of recent events that all connect to this blog; I now understand that’s not my purpose. Out of privacy and respect I will not offer detail, but I will say this. My thoughts, ideas and suggestions may not mean anything to you and this blog appears to just be a good creative writing exercise to you. Despite your harsh, but creative criticisms I know that what I do is not in vain.

So what differences does it make? Good question. I don’t know if this response is sufficient, but based off of my experiences, kind and inspiring responses and the friendships developed has been the difference between me allowing the calm toned clandestine comments of one suggesting I end this blog and the smile I have when I receive a reply via email, twitter, instant message or just a shout-out on another blog.

About this time last year I would have offered a much different response that would have matched the sarcasm of your comments, but what differences would it make?

Enjoy.

An Overactive Mind: Part 3

Thought #2 — This really sets into motion the need for all of the things that followed. If you really want to get down and dirty to why it appears that some Black people have a heighten sense of discrimination, unequal treatment or even mistrust, you can look to 1862 as a benchmark. Slavery is absolutely apart of it, but the journey to the White House didn’t begin on February 10, 2007 in Springfield, Illinois, it began long before that.

An understanding of this and other events before and after the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950’s & 60’s may be enough to put into context the jubilation you saw on election day not only in America, not only with Obama supporters of all races and not only with Black people.

I think this is important to include. Historically and symbolically the election of Barack Obama was a fulfillment of a promise and a reality of a dream. What you will see on inauguration of Barack Obama, as President will be more than what it appears on the surface to some. It’s not about Barack Obama. You have heard him say that. Barack is a representative, a benchmark of sort of a larger struggle within Black America and the American society as a whole. It’s bigger than any one person.

Regardless of what he does, to paraphrase a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Barack Obama does not belong to Black people, he belong to the ages. The struggles of yesterday are now the fights of today in hope for a better tomorrow. So all the people who got upset with me throughout this year this is just a touch of what I mean by when I told you that you’re missing the point or you’re uninformed. I was speaking beyond the surface of the moment, but towards the magnitude of the meaning of it all.

Thought #3 — What Barack did was take a different approach, an approach that wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for the actions of Americans of all races, religions and creeds.

If it wasn’t for the actions of President Lincoln, Frederick Douglas, W.E.B. DuBois, Dred Scott, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, Martin Luther King, President Kennedy, President Lyndon Johnson, Rosa Parks, Dr. Vernon Johns, Rev. Ralph D. Abernathy, Robert Kennedy, Rep. Shirley Chisholm, Rep. Barbara Jordan, Jesse Jackson and thousands of other unnamed people 2008 would have been the year of the Same and not a year of Change.

Barack is a student of history when you think about it. He understood the message these people were essentially trying to convey, the American Dream.

Thought #4 – The American Dream is a continual quest for freedom, equality and justice for all. The substance of the dream is expressed in the profound words of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. It is expressed the Emancipation Proclamation. It’s expressed in the Supreme Court decision in Brown vs. The Board of Education in Topeka, KS. Women demanding equal rights expressed it on the protest outside of the White House. It was expressed on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial August 28, 1963. It was expressed by thousands of Anti-Immigration Protesters marching in the streets around the country demanding justice. It was recently expressed in the voting booth on November 4, 2008. It is expressed everyday by people like yourself.

Thoughts #5 — Change is not instantaneous. Change takes more than a coalition of Blacks, but a collaboration of Whites, the cooperation of Latinos the inclusion of Gays & Lesbians the support of Asians, the participation of Jews and the acceptance of Muslims to make good on the promises of America. The proclamation is the emancipation of us all. Out of many came one. In 2008 it was Barack Obama on the surface, but in essence it was all of us. Those who supported him and those who scorn him. We are the dream that makes up America as unperfected as we are, we must always keep in mind the ultimate purpose of America.

Thoughts #6 — I need to conclude here. I apologize for my tangents. It’s like I start out with one thing and 5 other things partially related just flows out of my mind onto the page. I really am trying to focus more, but I wanted to share so many things that I find significance about this year its difficult to summarize.

So I will do spin the bottle again back around to the original topic, Watch Night. LOL. Now that was a journey of thought. I hope I didn’t lose too many of you. If so, just read it in bits.

Watch Night – December 31, 2008 is like its historical counterpart of this day in 1862, but today we share the great anticipation of the emancipation of tomorrow. January 1, 2009 will be the beginning of a new year and new possibilities.

Thank you 2008 and welcome 2009.

These are my thoughts, ideas and suggestions,

Tim Valentine

An Overactive Mind: Part 1

Preface — By the end of this one you will see why I titled this “An Overactive Mind”. This is my last post of the year, so I decided to just let my mind wonder a bit and reflect over the year. I’ve inserted this text after completing my thought and have decided to break this up into 3 sections because it’s way too much for one blog post. All three post will appear at the same time everyday. I wish you all well and hope to hear from you next year. If you like this blog please share it with others. I enjoy hearing what you have to say and think.

Reflection – 2008 has been a year of change for me. I use the word change for obvious reasons, but not limited to political change. It’s been a change for me personally. At the beginning of the year the only thing I knew is that I had to make great strides towards change in my life on virtually every area.

It was in January I revived this blog and gave it a title, “Thoughts, Ideas & Suggestions”. After looking back I had quite a few thoughts, ideas and suggestions.

Throughout the year some have expressed their disagreement with me on various issues, mostly political. Initially I would get irritated with them, but over time irritation became an indicator of sort.

What I’ve found more important are the supportive, considerate, positive, generous, inspiring and encouraging comments and suggestions I received. Those exceedingly out weight the negative, uninformed or on occasion derogatory comments I receive.

Some may not put much value into this, but I certainly do appreciate the select group of online friends I’ve had the opportunity to communicate with throughout this year. To those individuals I thank you again.

*** PLEASE COME BACK TOMORROW FOR PART 2 ***

Never Give Up

Never Give Up — This has become the quiet mantra of my life over the years. It’s the reminder and the motivation to always think beyond me.

My mother use to tell me that there’s always someone who has it worse than you. My adversities may seem great, but you may have more adversities to overcome than I do, so who am I to complain about what I don’t have or can’t do. I am fortunate enough to be who I am, to have been born when and where I was, to live where I am capable to afford and to still be in good health.

I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I will never get there if I stop trying. This can all be gone in a matter of hours by means of fire, flood, violence or by way of my own irresponsibility.

Too often we hold ourselves back by giving up too soon. We fail to challenge ourselves out of fear of failure, fear of what others may think of us, fear of going beyond our comfort zones and sometimes out of our own laziness.

This year has been eventful for me in so many ways. Not just politically, but in other areas of my life.

One of those areas was my decision to become an active blogger. I started this blog in 2006 out of the need for creative expression. No one seems to want to talk in depth about anything of substance. This is frustrating when you enjoy conversations about things other than sports, family and work. Those things are fine, but what are your views on the War in Iraq? Or why do you have a problem with gay marriage?

I will not begin to tell you about the discouraging things some had to say to me regarding my Thoughts, Ideas & Suggestions. It wasn’t just persons who disagreed with me politically, but some who just needed an excuse to be negative, because they were not happy with themselves.

The point wasn’t me, but including others in my challenge to think beyond the surface. Is it really what it appears to be or can I look at in from a different way? You never know, you may be wrong?

Fast forward to now…

Earlier this year I was watching Shon Gables of the Black Enterprise Report interview Michael V. Roberts, Sr. of Roberts Hotels Group. In summary Mr. Roberts asked the question, “Do you think outside the box? If so, what size is your box? More importantly why do you put yourself in a box? And who told you that you had to be in a box?”

Now Mr. Roberts instantly gained tremendous respect from me, because that statement told me that he wasn’t just another entrepreneur that made it big, but he has proven that success and failure begins in the mind. I am not what others say that I am.

You should never allow the opinions of others govern your life. You should never allow the circumstances of life negatively alter or dictate your mood. What you believe may not always be correct or the only way. If you have a dream that others do not understand, don’t give it up to appease them, quietly get it done.

Your dreams, goals, aspirations or ambition may not be as big or small as mine, but whatever it may be don’t allow others or yourself to make you give it up. Regardless if you like the person or not Barack Obama obviously dreamed that he could be President or he wouldn’t have ran.

References & Inspiration:

Black Enterprise – 12/12/08 “Roberts Hotels Group Expands Its Reach”

Michael V. Roberts (Personal Website)

Rewriting History

I can think of many things in my past that I would love to rewrite. Perhaps never buying a Hyundia as my first car back so long ago or studying a little harder in Geometry class while in high school or wishing I never met a specific ex-girlfriend back in the early 90′s.

If I could rewrite history I would go back to the beginning and strongly urged Adam to do what he was instructed to do.

Before their was a “Point of No Return” I would work to discourage slave traders of the immorality of damage to the world slavery has had and would have if you continue to profession.

If I could rewrite history I would take a journey to Montgomery, so I could witness a movement that helped change the narrow views of the oppressor and the oppressed and redefine equality in America.

If I could rewrite history I would have wanted to be in Washington D.C. at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on August 28, 1968 to listen publicly embrace the words of a dream.

If I could rewrite history I would have wanted to be in attendance at the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, AL in 1963 so I could have rushed the four little girls away before the bomb ignited.

If I could have rewritten history I would have locked the door of room 306 of the Lorraine Hotel in Memphis on April 4, 1968 or stood in front of Dr. King in my poor attempt to alter history for what I believe would have been for the better.

If I could rewrite history I would have tried to tell people about my thoughts, ideas and suggestions of coming together to end bigotry and hatred on the basis of differences.

But what would that have profit?

We will never know, because its history. You live today to make a better tomorrow.

You may have a totally different set of events you would like to rewrite, but what would it resolve? Seriously.

If you’re wise you learn from your mistakes and work not to repeat them. Our parents told us as children not to play with fire, but it didn’t ring true until we got burn.

Life is not a blog that you can go back and edit. Even if you have a blog you should be honest enough to not try to rewrite what you’ve written, let it stand and stand behind it.

Maybe someone should tell that to George W. Bush.  You can not rewrite your own legacy. You must stand accountable for your deeds regardless of your intentions.

Side Note:  OJ Simpson — Ignorance of the law doesn’t excuse you from the consequences of the law.

Mr. Bush, you do not have the ability change or stop time, nor is it a responsible thing to try to rewrite history. We learn from our failures and successes.

Mr. Bush, before you leave office in January I will comment about your legacy as President. I will include my suggestion of what you can do to soften its impact to the legacy you will leave as a person. My suggestion for you now is to quit sending memos and trying to alter the already tarnished world perception of your presidency. Just lay low.

President-Elect Barack Obama

WOW!

This is the reason why I signed up and donated immediately after he announced he was running for President. Many people who now supports him laughed at me and said unkind things about his chances and I was crazy and naive to support him. These individuals, both Black and White unknowingly had subscribed to the believe that this was too lofty of a goal for a Black man to actually obtain.

It made me so upset that I decided to resume this blog, a blog that was originally created in 2006, but rarely updated until late 2007. So I thank those individuals for their cynicism and narrow mindness. It took a few months, but I think you eventually realized what I was saw in Barack Obama on that day in Springfield, IL.

I’ve also had the opportunity to get some very hate filled, ignorant ass emails from some people. After awhile it became funny and served as a good indicator of how well the campaign was going. What has been most rewarding out of all of this is the numerous of positive emails and I believe an online friendship with some of you. I read your blogs practically everyday and gain inspiration from you. I don’t think I need to mention names, because I’ll forget someone but you know who you are.

Now we get to start a new campaign and talk about the details, the “What the Hell” and “Did you hear what he just said” again. Hopefully without the sarcasm or cluelessness of (let me say it one last time), Sarah Palin. OH I’M SO GLAD THAT SHE’S GOING BACK TO ALASKA. If I had to listen to her for another day. I digress.

I’m going to try to take at least a one day break from this blog, but everything I say that something happens. I’m ready to compare my “Fantasy White House: Obama Edition” to the actual selections. I’ll post that one very soon. May I suggest Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State.

So feel free to comment and tell me how you feel about Barack Obama becoming President of the United States of America. That just sounds good.

Sarah “P. Diddy” Palin

Sarah Palin scares P. Diddy. Don’t forget to vote Tuesday.

If you have any trouble viewing this video, please click here.

I Approve This Message

I want to take a moment to give a big endorsement of a blog that I’ve found to be like a refreshing glass of Kool-Aid (“Red” of course) on a hot summer day. I don’t recommend anyone for the sake of recommendation, because that weakens the value of the recommendation. I just want to take a minute to show my appreciation for a blog that I think you should read after reading mine.

Bookmark it, write it down on a post-it note or even tell your Momma about it, just take a few minutes to check out Steady Cat’s Soap Box.

I’m Tim Valentine and I approve this message.