There Is No Damn Santa Clause

I would like to share an argument I had with two women about Santa Clause in CVS. Normally I would not entertain this, but this was just ridiculous, funny and interesting at the same time.

Disclaimer — Now I already know I’m going to make someone upset for this one. When or if you decide to offer me your comments I ask for you to refrain from the Scrooge comments, because Ebenezer Scrooge has nothing to do with this. I also do not want to hear the argument that it’s just a fairytale, what’s so bad about that? It’s a lie, untruth, fib, story, false statement, myth, the opposite of factual.

For those who still have something to say I offer this to you. In the end you can believe whatever you like. I don’t have an issue with anything you do or say to children as long as it doesn’t harm them. The truth may hurt but it doesn’t harm.

So the objective of the post is simply to encourage those who subscribe to the tale of Santa Clause to stop perpetuating a story that has been proven to be untrue. If you believe in Santa Clause maybe you will find Bin Laden sitting on a stack of WMD’s with Elvis, 2Pac and the Easter Bunny.

And Here We Go.

Now I’m in CVS minding my own business. I was thirsty and wanted to buy cheaper bottle water than the $1.25 one in my building. Since CVS is just across the parking lot I just stroll on over there with change in hand.

While I was in the checkout line a lady asked me if I had any children. I told her I had a four year old son. So she sparkled up and asked me, “What is Santa Clause getting your child for Christmas?” I smiled to myself and said, “Nothing”.

Now you can imagine the confused or shocked stare I receive. You can tell she was thinking of the politically correct words to use when she said, “Oh! So do you celebrate Kwanzaa?” I respond with a smirk and say “No, I don’t celebrate Kwanzaa.” Now she’s really confused, so I let her off the hook a little.

We celebrate Christmas. I decided not to lie about Christmas to my son by telling him some story about Santa Clause.” (If there was a soundtrack for our lives this is where you would hear “Wanna Be Startin’ Something” by Michael Jackson)

By that time the cashier overheard our conversation and joined in to beat up on how bad of a parent I am.

I asked them a very simple question, “Why should I lie to my child?”

They couldn’t give me an answer. What they offered was excuses. One was that Santa Clause is a fairytale. I told them that the cat and the fiddle was a fairytale, but it is obviously impossible for a cow or anyone else to jump over the moon.

The cashier said that it keeps them innocent. I asked her how lying preserves innocence.

This nonsense went on for about 5 minutes, before I decided that I needed to end it.

I concluded with this statement. “I had no problem and can not tell you to what to teach your children. I have no reason to believe that you love your children any less or more than I love my son. I’ve resisted getting upset over this conversation, because it’s funny if you think about it. I know that I’m not a bad parent, but that’s for my son to judge. I do not see any reason to lie about something that isn’t real.

If you think he needs a Santa Clause, then I am Santa Clause minus the red suit and rosy cheeks. Until someone can offer up a valid reason to lie to your child or children about Santa Clause then there is no damn Santa Clause.


8 thoughts on “There Is No Damn Santa Clause

  1. I’m not sure that my kids ever “totally” believed in Santa. I have brought them up to know the true meaning of christmas and of course Santa is sprinkled in because he is out there all over the place. But I don’t think they really thought he came down the chimney or anything like that. I look at it as a story that is great at Christmas!

  2. OMG!

    No Santa?
    I knew I shoulda whooped that tub of shit’s ass in the mall back in ’74.
    I spent years as a child sitting on his lap and getting my ass fondled for years trying to score a train set. The chisel-chin bastard never delivered.

    I knew he was a fake! I knew it I tell ya!!!

    1. LOL. I remember asking my parents if Santa ever mistaken as a thief for breaking into people’s houses while they were asleep. I thought you got arrested for stuff like that. I remember never getting a response. This gives you an idea of how I was as a little kid. I guess nothing changed.

      Thanks for the comment. I’ll help you jump the fake if you see him again, just let me know where to meet you and I’ll bring my lead pipe and baseball bat.

  3. HILARIOUS!!! Good for you for letting your kid know that his dad will not lie to him. I did the same with my kids because we promised to all be honest with one another from day 1 no matter what the situation and they appreciate it. Now, my Mom did not appreciate me clueing my kids in but the chain has got to be broken. We were all brainwashed as kids into thinking this is right just like our parents were instead of focusing on what Christmas is really about. I wish more people would do the same!

    … and where did the freakin Easter Bunny come from??? Off the same invisible boat with Saint Nick??? Folks give your kids more credit. REALLY!

  4. Good, one Christmas myth down, one more to go. Once we get rid of this ridiculous “God” thing the kids will be completely free.

    On the other hand, Santa doesn’t typically lead to witch burnings, terrorist attacks, centuries of hatred and war, and all those other pesky things. But of course, the feelings of warmth and cheer Santa brings are equally harmful. Think of all the cookies and milk wasted on Dec. 24th.

  5. Good for you Tim.

    It is interesting though–all these pagan traditions getting mixed in with Christian celebrations (Santa Claus at Christmas and the Bunny at Easter).

    I was a child who “believed” in Santa Claus, I know it was very disappointing to find that people used him to manipulate me–if you don’t be good, Santa won’t bring you anything for Christmas, except a sock full of coal. When I was about 6 or so there was an older boy in my neighborhood who told me that Santa had died–he supposedly jumped out a helicopter over the mall parking lot that day, broke his leg and died. I was devastated. I was also told, if I woke up too early, while Santa was still there, he would sprinkle pepper in my eyes. Who the hell was this guy going around blinding kids with pepper?

    The problem now days is that the myth is greater than the true meaning… It really annoys me when people use “xmas” instead of “Christmas.”

    Santa is a nice Christmas-time story but, trying to convince your child that he’s real is a bit ridiculous. If you fill your child’s head with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, and they get old enough to realize they are fictitious characters, will they put God in the same category? They just might see him as another character used to manipulate them. The true meaning of Christmas is still an effective way to celebrate, build family tradition and bring warm, fuzzy feelings of joy.

Comments are closed.