The Battle from Within

We all have done something or things that we are ashamed, embarrassed or regret. Lord knows that I have…

The things that I’ve privately vowed to take to my grave in secrecy out of the fear, shame, guilt and regret of my deeds or words may be revealed. The words that I’m profoundly apologize for saying, the thoughts I’m grateful I never acted upon and the things I’ve done that I sincerely am sorry for doing that I have not allowed myself to forget.

Regardless if you choose to subscribe to religious, spiritual, natural or secular beliefs you have found yourself at some point in your life convicted by the wrong that you have done. Where does that conviction come from?

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” – Romans 7:19

I can not speak for you, but as for me I must confess that I do not always do what I know is the right thing to do although I try.

As you may be able to relate, I get upset when someone flips me an unfriendly gesture while driving passes me in their car. I’ve lost my composure and sense of reasoning and find myself racing towards them to cut them off.

Personally, I get annoyed with people who are culturally unaware and act as if they are better than others or assume that I think that about them. You should know better, but everyone does not realize what they do when they do it.

It bothers me when I receive unflattering comments from people who calls themselves a Christian, because I choose to openly embrace those who they persecute and/or defend from discrimination. I think many Christians miss the point of it all and fail to see the image of God in others, even those who disagree with you or think your beliefs are a fraud. If I am to be an example for the world, why should I act like the world? Not everyone has had the opportunities or accept the opportunities presented to them to learn and appreciate the beauty of people different than you. But let me keep moving.

Over time these things begin to weigh on you. The things that you’ve done that you know were wrong that nobody or few knows about must eventually be addressed. It’s not always what others have done to you, but what you allow to happen.

There’s been many of times that I think to myself, “What in the Hell was I thinking?” not realizing the answer to that question is within the question. What in Hell was I thinking? If that confuses you don’t worry about it, it will come to you later.

Regardless if you believe if there’s a God or not, whether it’s the same God as I believe or not. The aspect of Hell I’m referencing is the Hell we put ourselves through when we fail or refuse to forgive. It’s easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive yourself. I can accept the unjust deeds that someone commits against me quicker than I can of those I commit myself.

The disingenuous thoughts, scandalous ideas and malicious suggestions are easy to come up with. It’s fighting against the hostility, vindictiveness and the cut throat environments before it begins to consume you. That’s the challenge many of us face.

When I think about the stupid mistakes I’ve made and for what I made them for I am embarrassed. Some may try to lead you to believe that they don’t do things that they regret, but they’re only deceiving themselves. You’ve done something that you regret doing. You’ve said something that now you are ashamed of saying. If neither of those, you’ve thought something that if acted upon would cause public humiliation. Don’t fool yourself, be honest with yourself and forgive yourself. We make hypocritical mistakes, but you become a hypocrite when you continue to practice hypocrisy.

PS — I wanted to talk about politics today, but this just came up instead. You’ll have to forgive me. (No pun intended), but these are my thoughts, ideas & suggestions that came to me today.

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4 thoughts on “The Battle from Within

  1. Tim,

    “The Battle from Within” is one of the best posts I’ve read in a very long time. It pierces the heart in the right way…allowing us to see ourselves for who we really are. Once something is out in the open…it can no longer hide in the shadows to continue to wreak havoc upon our lives.

    You said, “The things that I’ve privately vowed to take to my grave in secrecy out of the fear, shame, guilt and regret of my deeds or words may be revealed”…I can attest that time has a way of bringing all things to the Light. Then and only then can healing and restoration take place.

    Excellent writing!

    Kindest Regards,

    Michelle

  2. I wish the one thing that I like about the Catholic Church was a normal part of every day life. Confession. I have done things I’m not proud of and yes, I probably still will from time to time. I think it’s part of being human. Confessing it to someone who is trained to listen would lighten everyones heavy load.

  3. Tim,
    Well done … powerful … and it should hit everyone is some way. Michelle said it well.

    Much starts with being honest with self, internalizing the thought, and then acting it out. Being a tough self-critic is difficult, but necessary … but not definitely not to the point where one lives in constant misery.

    Thanks Tim … and this is a good message for we Christians as we begin the Lenten season.

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