You Were Taking a Hike?

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Well some may believe that I will take this opportunity to bash the Republican Party for being hypocrites and offer up the same dose of medicine they was so willing to dish out to Democrats during the whole Clinton-Lewinski, John Edwards, Elliott Spitzer Scandals. As tempting and justifiable it would be to do so, I’m going to do my best to resist. Although I am loving this, two in the same week. All I need now is for Dick Cheney to fall down again and Rush Limbaugh to get laryngitis and I’m cool for the entire week.

Over the past few weeks now I’ve laid off of the criticism of politicians to focus on what’s more important in our discussions. I intentionally did not say anything about Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), because I didn’t want to get into the useless argument and have someone accuse me of attacking him because he’s a Republican. I honestly feel sorry for the man. Politically I’m smiling, but I didn’t want to be one of the people beating up on him.

So I turn my attention to the Governor of South Carolina, Chairman of the Republican Governor’s Association and potential 2012 Presidential hopeful, Mark Sanford.

If Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) would have called me this is what I would say.

<Big Sigh> Dude… What the… Man! Why didn’t you just call or email me? Yeah I’m a Democrat, but I would have been honest with you. I’m not that partisan. It’s alright; I’m not going to beat up on you too much, because you’re doing a good job of it yourself.

So where do we begin?

Over the Father’s Day weekend much was made of your mysterious disappearance. OK, this raises a Red Flag.

At first I was thinking, ‘OK, What’s the big deal’. He’s a grown man. I may not agree with all of the positions you take, you like anyone else deserve some time to yourself to do what he wants to do. So I took the position of “Let the man chill out and relax for a few days.” I was about to come to your defense and tell me fellow Democrats to let the man have some time to himself, but something just told me to hold off.

  1. You tell your staff that you’re going hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Cool, but some advisor should have said, “Um Governor you know it’s National Hike Naked this weekend, you may want to rethink the public perception that gives. You know the Democrats will have a field day with that scenario.” Hmmm… Red Flag.
  2. Then reporters begin to start talking amongst each other and speculation begins to build. Someone saw you at the airport in Atlanta boarding a flight going to Argentina. Red Flag.
  3. At the same time the news began to break about “the missing governor”. So people ask your wife, SC First Lady Jenny Sanford questions about your whereabouts. When she told the AP that she didn’t know where her husband had gone on Father’s Day weekend. That’s when you have to begin to wonder if something bad had happen. That’s a big flaming Red Flag.
  4. Then you get word about the panic that’s beginning to build on your way back to the states. That’s the time you get your game plan together.
  5. You arrive back in Atlanta from Argentina and you’re greeted by a reporter from TheState.com this is when you should have realized that the fan is on and the ____ is about the hit the fan if you don’t have your ____ together.

Listen man, I’m not a politician and yes I am usually suspicious of most of what the GOP says and does. But I have given some members of your party credit. There’s a governor next to you that’s running for Senate that I actually like. So I’m not 100% against everything and anything you all do, like many act towards my party. But Dude come on. I shouldn’t have to tell you this. DON’T TRUST NO REPORTER. ALWAYS BE ON GUARD. Some you can trust, but reporters are as partisan as politicians. Not in the political sense, but in sensational sense. It doesn’t matter political party, you’re a highly visible politician with the anticipation of loftier ambitions, and we’re watching you. You see the “Chrissy Snow” like antics Sarah Palin makes and the “Leave it to Beaver” presence of Bobby Jindal. You actually had a good chance, but…

Well this was a ‘dear, dear friend’.” I’m sure. I have dear friends, but none are sexual. You can love someone, but that doesn’t mean that you’re in love with them. So Mark, what’s the deal?

The relationship didn’t become romantic until a year ago.” Hmmm… You know this is going to get ugly.

I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you know you just broken one of the biggest Man laws. I’m sorry for the language on this, but “Cover Your Ass.” How hard is that?

It’s alright man, it’s going to be alright. Apologize, cry, repeat. I’m not going to beat you up. But you know this just makes my and many other Democrats argument even easier for when or if you decide to run in 2012. Oh! I guess you may have to rethink that now. Who’s left? Sarah Palin… Come on now. Charlie Crist is running for the Senate, Arnold can’t run. The only other real candidate is Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN).

Well I won’t ride you too hard. I’m sure you’ve already been rode… oh never-mind. 🙂 So I wonder who’s going to take your place now, since you’re stepping down from the Republican Governors Association. Perhaps Mr. Succession himself, Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) will do the honors.

Should I even begin with Sen. David Vitter, Sen. John Ensign, Sen. Larry Craig, FL State Rep. Bob Allen or Glenn Murphy? MAN! It’s hard out here for a Republican. What do you need Democrats to beat up on you for when you’re doing a good job at it on your own.

Yes, to all the partisans out there, I know that Democrats cheat too, as I pointed out at the beginning of this. But I bet John Edwards is at home with a big smile on his face right now.

Good Luck Mark. Now I don’t want to hear nothing else about ‘family values’, because I’m going to hit you in the head with the list of politican’s with family values. 🙂

References & Inspirations
Huffington Post – 06/23/09 “Sanford in Argentina, Not On Appalachian Trail, He Says On Return
LA Times – 06/20/09 “Sen. John Ensign, mistress’ husband point fingers at each other
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6 thoughts on “You Were Taking a Hike?

  1. Good post, Tim. I can only hope and pray that the Republicans don’t complete a hat-trick before the week ends. Keep these thought-provoking post coming sir.

    1. 😀 I hope not. I’m actually feel sorry for him, despite the politics of it all. He’s a regular guy. I was a little concerned with him as for as 2012, because he actually could be a strong contender. I believe Charlie Crist will become the Senator from FL unless he does something stupid. I don’t know how he got his wife, she’s a nice looking woman. Newt is not going to get the nomination. Palin is not going to get it either. I only see Gov. Pawlenty and Romney duking it out unless Ron Paul runs.

      I’m a Democrat, but I try to pay attention to Republican politics. I already know who’s running in 2012. I seriously doubt anyone on the left will be crazy enough to challenge Obama, but you never know. We have our own characters too.

      Who knows, there may be a guy from TN running for something and I don’t mean Harold Ford, Jr. either 🙂 Perhaps I should become a bi-partisan political adviser to ensure both sides stay on course and avoid the mud. Oh Well. He can come back from this, but everyone is not going to be as forgiving as me.

  2. There’s two things that get my attention about this scandal.

    1) His wife was aware of the “relationship” according to Stanford (the Bible thumping hypocrite). So, he went to get his meat wet anyway? That’s a pretty arrogant, self-serving (typically Fundi) thing to do to one’s family.

    2) This “woman” is important enough to throw caution to the winds and fly to Argentina just for some mogombo?

    Considering the following facts: Stanford is a Republican, a Bible thumping Jesus Pimp, gung ho NRA type etc….

    I want to know if this “woman” is actually an adult. Something’s telling me she’s not.

  3. Great post Tim …. of course I couldn’t stop laughing at the title! Of course “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” is also in my head while reading.

    Yes, another fallen member of the holier than thou club. By the way, you forgot to mention Newt Gingrich! I simply shake my head at the one-way street.

    By the way, as people call for his resignation I say this … this is a South Carolinian problem and I hope others let them deal with it. Meanwhile, if the Governor tried to enter the national scene, then the national public will loudly chime in.

  4. I don’t blame the guy for following his “sparking thing,” but this, along with the Elliot Spitzer and Larry Craig scandals, definitely could have been better-managed from a PR point of view. I’m only saying this half tongue-in-cheek, but he really should have been a better liar, here. 🙂

    By the way, when’s the last female politician of either party who has been caught red-handed in an affair? Maybe if we want to get rid of dishonest, hypocritical politicians, we just need to replace them all with women (again, only half tongue-in-cheek). 🙂

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