As men, one of the hardest things for us to do is to listen to a problem without trying to figure out a way to resolve it.
Can I get an Amen?
We just want to make life simple, easy or fun. Why complicate it with a problem? So when we are presented with a problem or discover a problem we try to fix it as quickly as possible.
Boom, there you go, all done, no more problem. Are you happy now?
Now I can only say this by my own observations, conversations and experiences with women, so I would need at least two or more women to verify what I’m about to say. I’m sure you will correct me if I’m wrong.
We try to fix problems for the most part due to our schizophrenic propensity for peace. I say schizophrenic because the vast majority of the problems in the world if researched was likely caused by some man with a problem. Whenever it comes to a woman for some reason we want to hurry up and solve it.
In all sincerity, often we just don’t want to see you unhappy. Whenever there a woman unhappy in some way there tends to be a frustrated, aggravated or annoyed man nearby. So we do all we can to basically answer this question.
Are you happy now?
We don’t mean any harm if we are immature enough to verbally ask you that. We only want some type of confirmation that we fixed what was wrong.
As men we learn what to say for the most part to get what we want. No it’s not always sex.
As we become more experienced in our relationships we learn what to say and how to say it. As we mature in our relationships and personally we learn what to say, how to say it and when to say it? But it doesn’t stop there. We have to learn how to say what needs to be said, know how to translate it into “Woman” and why we should say it?
Now women, please tell me am I right?
What I believe that’s missed sometimes and I do it as well is knowing when not to fix anything and just listen. When you are actually listening to what she’s really saying you can discern whether she wants you to fix it or just listen and let her fix it herself in her own way. So we must learn patience.
As men we frustrate women and they frustrate us. This is why men can remain friends with less conflict longer. Women can be friends with women, but how often do you get upset with your friend? How long does it take you to get over it? Then ask a guy the same question.
If we share a problem with another man we typically are seeking an answer or ideas for a solution. We don’t want to talk about it. We want it done so we can do something else. We don’t have time for all that. All we want to know is the problem, facts, important details, how much time we got, answer and we’re done.
Can I get an Amen from the men?
You always hear women say that it’s the little things that are important. Now I know that’s not always true, but for the most part it is.
As I’ve matured the one thing I’ve tried to share with men is that most women live much of their lives in their heads. Unfortunately, we do too, but that’s a conversation for another day.
Learning to listen is difficult for most of us because we all want to be heard, seen and acknowledged. We tend to lack the patience and consideration that’s required to listen.
Being with them is essential to fostering and maintaining a stable, enduring, enriched and conscious relationship. Whether it is with a friend, family or loved one seek understanding and incorporate it into your interactions.
Be receptive to the kind of responsiveness many women seek if you want them to be happy.
You want always make them happy, because it’s always something. But we typically only care most about your happiness with us.
Communication is not always about words, but the connection. The lack of communication is not always about a lack of words, but not knowing what to say, how to say it or when to say it. Communication is subtle. It’s not a joke, but it is in a way because it requires timing and patience to get it right.
Men and Women are crazy, but you don’t need to become a psychologist to know this. Perhaps that’s why I’m working to become one, to confirm that I’m not crazy. Just so I don’t have to ask the question, are you happy now J