Marriage, It’s Not About You

I’ve got something to say. I don’t know how this is going to come out or who it may be for, but I hope someone can receive it. I’m not trying to argue with anyone, this was just a quick thought that came to mind that I want to share with you.



Men –  Although I know this may not apply to every husband, I’m trying to be inclusive by just saying men. Those who are married or considering marriage. I’m the first to say that I haven’t gotten this right all the time, but be smart enough to recognize who you are and who you’re suppose to be.


Before you get upset with your wife for something, stop and think about what you’re about to say and how beneficial that really is to the profit of your family, marriage and your relationship with her. Now you get mad at me all you want for saying this if you like, but I’m telling you the truth. The most valuable asset you have in your family is not your money or possessions, but your wife. Consider who is there working with you.


Accept the responsibility for being a husband in more than just title only. That begins with being accountable to your wife and children if you have them. If you’re going to be as one, then be of the same opinion, not just yours.



Women – Don’t get all happy because I got something for you as well. Those who are married or working towards marriage this is for you. Don’t be so impatient or wrapped up in yourself that you become unhelpful to your husband


Just like you say that “you can do this all by myself”, a good husband can say that too. Stop working against him or being so involved with what you’ve got going on long enough to see what he has going on for you and the family. Then you may realize something that you almost lost.


A good husband considers his wife and children first before others or himself. But when the wife is too busy doing her thing, the children looking at both of you wondering what you’re doing, no direction, no objections to anything going on in your house, you’re going to find yourself eventually missing out on what could be the best times of your life.


Pay attention to what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. Marriage can be fun if you would just slow down long enough to enjoy the journey. Stop running after money, time, things and people and start working together so you both or all can reach that destination in life.


I will end here by leaving this final thought with you.


Men, listen to your wife. Take her opinion into account. Counsel her before making a decision that may affect you both.


Women, listen to your husband. Be quiet long enough to consider what he’s saying. Don’t undermind him by an unwillingness to listen, consider and support. It’s hard enough just being married today, I just want to help stop the enemy from within that works to destroys it.


6 thoughts on “Marriage, It’s Not About You

  1. Well-written, Tim. No surprise there though. Yet another post indicative of your ability to promote a sense of honor/fairness over gender, race, etc. It’s my belief and contention that such a union should be held in the highest regard. Unfortunately, in Erin’s and my case, though we weren’t married–, I lost valuable time building towards such an ideal union that you have written about within this post, and found out in the process that material things, social-status, gossip, etc. aren’t redeemable qualities in a healthy relationship either. I agree with the spirit and letter of your post, and believe Paramount decisions like this should mutually enhance both parties. Didn’t the churches of old use to conduct some type of couples counseling prior to people taking such a big leap?

    1. Well I did, but I’m also a preacher’s kid in addition to a preacher’s great-grandson, nephew and cousin. So I couldn’t get too far without having it virtually placed upon me to go through it. 🙂

      I’ve had my share of mistakes and don’t always get it right, but I try. Relationships aren’t easy and sometimes we just get caught up in other things. I do believe there are cases for divorce. If someone is abusive, a danger or abandons you, then you should leave. There’s no need to put up with a bunch of crap from someone who refuses to change for the better.

      Some people out there simply do not have the willingness for a long-term relationship. We may mess up, but I’ve just got to a point that I want people to be happy and do what is right and true for all or at least most.

      I’m sure love will happen again for you. You’ve always been nice towards me, even when my post might have been a bit harsh. Just a matter of time.

      OH before I forget. Generally I’m a very fair person. That’s not me just saying it. It is almost to a fault. I don’t like getting over on people or someone trying to get over on me. Just think being truthful is the way to go. If something isn’t right in some way I’m likely going to raise the point.

  2. Well said, as ever. The two best pieces of marriage advice I got were 1) from our pastor, in our pre-marital counseling class:”Learn how to fight.” She went on to explain-kepp it issue-focused, don’t make it personal, assume the best intentions of the other. 2)from a sign on my boyhood barbershop wall: “Don’t question your wife’s judgment: look who she married!”

    We’re coming up on 16 great years of marriage this spring.

  3. Well said, Poorlocavore! Congratulations as you approach your 16th this Spring–Cheers!

    @Tim, appreciate your kind words of encouragement relative to your confidence that I’ll find love again–many thanks! I have, and she’s been such a blessing, true friend and romantic interest rolled into one single wonderful individual.

    Cheers to your strong religious roots–that explains much about the decent and fairminded individual you are. H/T to you for promoting truth & justice more than with being right. That’s one of the reasons I continued to come back, and will continue to come back for more of your interesting and thought-provoking material. Peace unto you and yours.

  4. Tim,
    The purpose of a marriage is to bring two lives together as one … a relationship of mine is yours and yours is mine in our oneness. Sure there is the Mars & Venus thing, but ONE must remain the focus.

    One of the best decisions we made in 1977 was a decision about finances. I can honestly say that the number of financial disagreements we’ve had have been minimal. Again, because finances focused on ONE.

    Talk AND listen is great advice.
    Well done.

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