Why do men tend to not seek or consider relationship counseling?
I understand that we feel that we can figure it out or solve the problem ourselves, but there comes a time where we must admit that we don’t know how to solve the problem.
We may discount it to the other person is just trippin’ or crazy. It may not be your fault or feel that it isn’t our problem. But the one thing we can agree upon is that we want to have peace at home. There’s nothing like working all day and coming home to someone nagging or complaining about something or the other.
Sometimes, it is how we think about the issue that is the problem.
It’s not to say that you have to be wrong for them to be right, but that we may be perceive the issue differently or not as seriously as our significant other does. Then we allow resentment and assumptions to develop that spins off into something a harden heart towards one another. Perhaps it’s how we perceive the issue or our tone, attitude and actions regarding the issue is the root of the problem more than the problem itself.
Sometimes our insecurities should be confronted just as much as anyone else as it pertains to our relationships.
As men, we rather deal with it ourselves beyond the time it may require counseling or intervention. This is what leads us to making decisions we later regret in some way or keep to ourselves, because our our egos, pride and perceptions of what manhood is.
Sometimes our actions and inactions are interpreted by our loved ones as to question whether we really love them as much we say we do. Sometimes we rather talk to our boys, make the mistake and run to Momma or even someone we may be attracted to more than the other person. It’s alright to talk with your friends, family or even a friend of the opposite sex, but you must ensure you guard your relationship, because you may be putting your happiness, stability, credibility and peace in peril.
You don’t even have to say anything; we’ve all been there or may find ourselves there at some point. It’s OK.
Being a man sometimes requires that you admit that you don’t have the answer, but the man part of it is being about getting or discovering the answer or resolution. We’re problem solvers, but we do have problems that we can’t solve by ourselves.
Sometimes we may not even be aware of an issue in our relationships, but feel that the other person is just ‘bitching‘ about something or other. They may be, but that doesn’t mean we should always ignore or dismiss it. We only prolong the issue. Just CALMLY ask them to tell you what you did wrong and if they are open to working with you on resolving it, because you want both of us to experience happiness. 😀
If that doesn’t jump-start the communication process, (and do it in your own way, that’s just an example) then try a different approach. If the problem persist, then seek counseling on the matter.
Even if you’ve been taught that seeing a Psychiatrist or Psychologist or even a Pastor is lame or unmanly and you may even have an implicit bias towards them, but if you want to make your significant other happy, consider one of them to help you think, cope and fight through the circumstances that occurs to everyone at some point in a relationship.
Find one that fits you. If you have a bias towards pastors, then speak to a psychologist. If you have a bias towards psychologist, then find a pastor or psychiatrist. Find someone who is more open-minded than you think you are and have a conversation with them. It’s about doing what’s best for you and your relationship, not your ego.
If your significant other was being attacked and a baseball bat, 2×4, steel pipe or something that can be used as a weapon was near by, you would use it. Your relationship is being attacked by problems, get a bat (Psychiatrist), pick up the steel pipe (Pastors), take this 2×4 (Psychologist) and get rid of the attacker.
MAN UP DUDE! Choose Your Weapon.