Category Archives: Motherhood

Honoring Your Parents

Some men and women do not honor their fathers and/or mothers for various reasons. One reason tends to be that their father or mother didn’t honor them in some way. Understandable, but not beneficial. When you take an eye for an eye approach to your life’s relationships you’ll find yourself walking blindly into situations that could have been avoided.

Since we can’t change the past, perhaps we can live for today by considering how you can be the honorable mother or father you didn’t have and those who assumed that responsibility. You have the ability and power to change the world if you would just believe in your ability and power. Everyone is not fit to be a parent, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a misfit.

Today is your opportunity to do what is right and what should be done. Begin by ensuring you are doing what you’re suppose to be doing and not repeating the cycle. Be the example for your child or children and conduct yourself in a way any respectable person can honor.

Momma, Daddy is the Papa

Meredith Vieira talks to actress Mackenzie Phillips about her long-standing incestuous relationship with her father, her struggle with drug addiction and other details revealed in her new memoir, “High on Arrival.”

After watching this interview with Meredith I want ask a question which you will see below, but this interview may put the question in better context.

I’ve included a clip from her interview on Oprah, but urge you to watch the interview with Meredith Vieira.

Incest; could this be an acceptable reason for getting an abortion?

Now don’t get upset with me for asking the question, I’m just pointing out one of the 800 lbs Gorilla’s in the room of this story. I’m not suggesting or advocating my morals onto anyone by asking, but I am interesting in knowing what you think now that you’ve listened to the interview.

Unfortunately I’ve had the opportunity to have conversations with victims of rape and incest. The over arching affects that sexual abuse has on the mind of the one being abuse can make a long lasting impression in so many areas of a persons life. I raise the question about abortion to make a point, but as I’ve said in previous conversations on this blog is that you have to consider others, because you never know what or why someone decides to do what they do. Sometimes its not so clear cut as right or wrong as we can conclude in this case. This is why I will continue to advocate the simple strategy of Considering Others. Even if I am criticized in the process and/or misunderstood. The meaning is within the message.

Share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions about this.

The Women I Love

I know this is Mother’s Day, but I want to do something different and talk about the women in my life whom I love. I’m not speaking about a sexual or physical love, but women who I have tremendous admiration or great fondness towards who I have been blessed to have had some form of contact with throughout my life.

These are not in any chronological or order of importance. I’m not going to mention any names, just who they are or were to me.

My Granny – In July 1992 my died of cancer three days before my birthday. I remember the last private conversation we had a few weeks before she died. She could only whisper then, but she told me that she loved me. She said that she was proud of whom I’m becoming and to always do what I know is good for me.

I was her first grandchild and she spoiled me growing up. I was always her Timmy. She was the only person that I didn’t mind calling me that. Although I have a Great-Aunt that slips up at times and calls me that, but it’s OK.

Although I knew my other Grandparents, she was the only one who acted like one. So in return, she was the only one whom I identified with.

I was working at a grocery store at the time I got a call from my father to get over to Vanderbilt Hospital now. I understood. When I got there I saw my Aunts, Great-Aunts, Great-Uncles, cousins and family friends. Everyone was standing around talking as I walked in the room. She couldn’t say anything, but she looked at me. I didn’t know what to say, so I kissed her cheek and held her hand.

That’s enough. I love my Granny sincerely.

My Sister – I only have one sibling, a little sister. I love my little sister. She’s probably the only person who can immediately identify when I’m setting someone up for a joke and always shuts me down before I get to the punch line, ruining the joke for me. She finds that funny.

We drive our spouse crazy during conversation, because we hold multiple conversations at once. I don’t mean two or even three, but we jump around to about six or seven conversations without any notice and pick right back up on each of them from where we ended, it’s crazy.

Like most siblings we’ve had our disagreements, but in my opinion she’s a wonderful sister. I’m fortunate to be her brother. My only regret is that I don’t get to see her as often since she now lives on the West Coast and I the East Coast, but she knows that I love her unconditionally.

My 3rd Grade Speech Pathology Teacher — When I was in 3rd Grade I had a Speech Pathology teacher, who I’ve briefly talked about in a different post on this blog. I would kiss her today in thanks if I only remembered her name and where to find her. She was truly an angel that planted words of encouragement that lives with me to this day.

When everyone including the Principle writes your future off at such an early age, she encouraged me. YES WE CAN wasn’t just a campaign slogan, but the phrase I often heard from her. She would tell me “Yes We Can” when I say “I Can’t Do It”. She spoke to me like many Black mothers speak to their sons. I remember her telling me that not to listen to the bad things people call me. I’m smart and just as good as any of them if not better. Now that I think about it, I wonder what her husband looked like and if that played into her comfort with and of me. Hmmm…

Anyway, she made me believe that I was not alone. I can’t express how much that little 8 year old kid appreciated that. To have someone on your side when you are one of literally a handful of Black children in an affluent 98% White school was comforting. No one believes in you or acts as if they care whether you succeed or not. Maybe we’ll cross paths one day and we’ll discover each other again. Until then, I say to her with clarity, thank you.

My 12th Grade English Teacher – This one is short. I appreciate the timely words of encouragement. You’ve could have said something all together different and I would have deserved it, but you didn’t and it came right on time. Thank you for inspiring me to believe in my own potential. Thank you.

Three Female Friends – Although you all live in different states and we don’t have the opportunity to talk like we use to, I just want to say thank you and I love each one of you. Whenever you email me, call or text me it always puts a smile on my face.

My Mother – You are who I get my passion and determination from. I can not begin to list all of the things you’ve done for me throughout my life. I don’t know what words that would adequately express my feelings for you. You ignore me when I’m being silly and subtly teasing you. You’re quick to tell me what you think about something, a trait I’ve obviously picked up from you. Since I’m sure you will not be coming to my blog to read this I just want to say thank you and I love you.

My Wife – Now I’m not crazy enough to title a post, “The Women I Love” and not include my wife. After the day is over this is the person that could kill me as I sleep, so I thought I’d save the best for last. :D

I rarely mention my wife, not because I don’t love her, because I do. She probably rather not have me mention or reference her in many of my post. As some of you know, I’m a bit more ‘out spoken’ than she is. She’s the professional one and I’m the free spirit.

I remember when we first met. <roll dream sequence> I was standing outside flexing my muscles trying to push the army of women back. Then I caught her eye. She was blushing as I walked closer to her. Then she fainted when I touch her hand. When she was revived I stood before her like a superhero when she… OK, let me be serious. I’m sure she may have a slightly different story than the ‘truth’ I just told.

I wouldn’t have bothered delivering my best pick-up line “Hello” if there wasn’t something about you. You know how I love pretty, intelligent, self-confident women with a touch of attitude. Although you’re not as rich as Oprah, but 4 out of 5 is still good. :)

Seriously, you’re the one that gets to hear many of my thoughts, ideas & suggestions before I don’t get to share. Even when I know you’re not listening to anything I’m saying you still manage to drop a head nod or an acknowledging grunt here and there. I appreciate that.

Thank you for keeping me grounded when I want to put on my cape and save the world. You know how much I want to run for political office, I thank you for discouraging me from doing that. But one day I’m telling you… one day.

Listening to you talk about your day, try not to analyze or fix it and patiently work to make you happy is what I love. The best thing in the world is when you finally breakdown and laugh at one of my jokes. You know the joke is funny, but you just don’t want to give me the satisfaction of knowing that you found it funny.

So as we await the arrival of our second opportunity of parenthood I look forward to sharing the experience with you. Love you always.

Happy Mother’s Day to all.